I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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