You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
