Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
