I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
