Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
