The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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