Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
