Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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