Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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