I love black thongs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize