Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
