I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize