Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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