I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's never too late to be topless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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