Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
