I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize