Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
