I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
