I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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