so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize