somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had to coat check the pizza.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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