if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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