Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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