So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize