I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Randomize