the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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