I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
