We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
