Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
