Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
