I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
