Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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