Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
