did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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