and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
