I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
