Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
