I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
