i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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