So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
