I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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