dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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