great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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