got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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