You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
