Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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