Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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