There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
