it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
