I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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