I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
