just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize