break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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