Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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