the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
