We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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