And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
