Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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