My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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