His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
