haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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