I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
