Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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