Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
