what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize