Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
