Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
