I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
