you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
