i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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