she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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