an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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