I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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