You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
