My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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