As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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