Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
