I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
