8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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