this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
